Taste and buy guinep

Yo mi say......... if you love guinep like I love guinep you can't pass a vendor without being tempted. 

To compound this issue some vendors frequently shout " taste and buy guinep" to lure 

you in even more.

Well mek I dash out a warning; there is such a thing as " taste and buy guinep etiquette". I is not joking rasta.

Soooo mi spot a vendor wid some niooce looking guinep and as I was about to chuck off inna di taste and buy offer when a oman shot pass mi yow.

 Mi was about fi handle har rash ennuh when the vendor knock all the vengeance outta mi.

The shubber oman grab a guinep bite the skin and started to suck the guinep, hear her to the vendor "dis sour man " and was about fi step off.

Jah Rastafari know say I don't know what trigger guh off inna di vendor head, mi only hear when she give out..  .....

Suh spit out di bloodclaat guinep nuh ..... Yah walk off and a suck it same way. A people like you crucified Jesus, by di time you done walk and suck ,no guinep seller nuh get Dolla from you bitch.......

Look yah man my appetite cutttttt same time.

Drop mic ..... Exit stage right 

Gentle people nuh suck it and nuh buy it ........ duhhhh nuh badda try it  I-ya-yi

Land of Savages

 

Aight so for the past few months I have been assigned an area that is predominantly staffed by young men. Occasionally one and two females may swing by......  All in all the bunch of them are a set of savages.


One comes up to me and give out "Supe yuh eat nuff fude ennuh"

 Me: Is that a problem?

"Nah ennuh"

Mumbles while walking away" fi har man muss have two job"

Now you tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get a call from my superior, who chewed me out about one of my subordinates.

I proceed to call said person into my office. While I wait for him to grace me with his presence I browse through my phone, the door opens and I hear when he clears his throat. 

I look up ....... dis boi a tek off him tie and a pull him button.

"Im like what the hell......."

Hear di outta order boi....... 
"OHHHHHHHH Snap my bad...... I like..... totally misinterpreted the call ......"

He pretends to be bashful..... holds his head down and sneaks a peek.

"Its just ....... you called my name so sexyyyyyyy"

Heng up ennuh .......... inna real life.

Next day rowdy discussion start all because a female stuck out her tongue; one nigga give out "see how your tongue long" .

The female response "ye, fi suck mi man nipple". Hear di dirty boi " ye him third nipple" .

Drops mic .... Why I and I muss a be witness to di rehhhh yow


There is no remuneration that can compensate fi dem ting yah dawg....... cho bbc

STFU mayne KMFT

The truth is stranger than fiction and every damn time I say I have heard it all here comes a nigga to tell me some horse manure.

Now, being a professed Tom boy my male friends sometimes forget that I am indeed a girl. The crap they say around me crack me up as well as horrifies me.

Monday

K : 
Yo some Oman can gwaannie gwaaanie u see
Like dem betta dan fi have a side man. Yo unnuh know di goodness fi share.

Me: STFU retard, walks away.

Thursday 

K:

Yo mi feel conflicted, Mi meet a chick Monday an last nite when she a show me wat har mout do, mi find miself a think bout how much practice dah gyal ya muss get; and from how much adda man fi skill suh. Plus she have har man, yo yuh cyah find nuh loyal gyal again ennuh.

Me:Shouting STFU nuh fockn retard.

Worst than my friends are my subordinates

So I'm chilling at work listening to the juvez dem chat bout the situation that is their life.

Background info di juvez dem in the department are between 17 and 25. So dem chatting up a storm.
As much life experience as they have combined, its enough to fill a teaspoon but who am I to judge rite?

B: yo mi feel like mi madda muss can mek 5g werk fi fude fi di month, wah unnuh think?

Me: face palm Wtf, So wat if ur girl come over ?

B: wah u mean supe cornflakes and chill.

Me: That's at least $1000, cornflakes and lasco expensive.

B: No supe cornflakes alone, we aguh eat it like popcorn.

Me: STFU kmdt 

O: All mi need fi get a sawt out dung a Backtu is a 108 digi phone card.

Me: STFU before me punch yuh in u damn mouth kmft.

T: mi like independent oman weh mi nuh haffi worry about giving them ma money bra.

Me: STFU before mi get smaddy fi frigg you up.

B: Yo mi neva know say when you invite a girl to watch movies a you supposed to pay. Mi invite the girl fi watch the movies and mi nuh see har a reach fi har purse. I was like shittttt wonder if mi haffi buy food too?

Me: STFU cho warra warra hit man a wah kinda man dem yah kmft.

Post Portia Blues

The laborites are up in arms ....
The journey was long, the battle grueling but finally The Rt Hon Nose Holiness has made it to Jamaica House.
I hear drums beating in the distance as I lay in my sturdy bed.
Is that a marching band I hear?
Either damn way I do not care. I gwine still haffi post mi bahind to Golden Circle Plantation and chop my share of sugar cane in exchange for my monthly rations.
My blood is neither green nor orange and my loyalty lies with the few who can tolerate my quirks.
And so I continue on my journey as I always have.... diligently counting my pennies and memorizing my budget like a Bible verse hoping things get better but know shit could get worse.

In my classroom

So .... wage negotiations are done....... well at least it is for teachers and being immersed in the classroom now has given me additional perspective..... I will however internalize that thought fahhhh annuh everything good fi eat .......good fi talk .... ahoe.



No sah ...... off the bat I have to give a shout out to the teachers who have been at this for years and wake up everyday and hustle off to school ..... hahahaha woiiiiiii.

Mi sayyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dem pickney yah have some real horror stories being acted out in their brains. Mi want a remote wid a mute button.

Scene: 

Lesson well planned ...... teaching up a storm and a student ..... lets call him student x raises his hand  I acknowledge him, he stands and says Teacher, may I please share something important with the class. I said go ahead ..... swear inna mi bird brain say di bwoy aguh contribute to the blasted lesson ..... hear him, Teacher I was on the internet doing research for your class and I saw a picture of a man, he had painted two of his teeth blue, Teacher Lee would that be considered blue tooth or blue teeth, he proceeded to laugh out in the class until he had an asthma attack ........ drops duster and walks away.........

Scene: Test Week

Test is given to the class, I mark the papers ..... who comes to find me the very next morning to ask if he got 100........ the only boy to fail the test.... Puppa Jesus ...... continue to restrain me tongue Lord.


Scene

Class is in progress...... student stands and screams out ..... missssssssss mek blah blah blah tap look pon mi nuh........ Teacher why him yeye dem big suh..........
Me : boy what do you want me to do about blah blah yeye dem. 
Hear di bwoy ....... jam him inna dem teacher..... mi nah tell pon u ....... Prison wok dis ennuh ..... cho .....

Scene 

Me at school until after 5 marking papers 
student...... Teacher......u nah guh home to u husband ...... u good eeehhhh .....dah dah deeeeee

Scene

 Monday morning student walks up, Good morning teacher ...... mi glad fi si u ennuh, 
Me..... Why? blah blah 
student ...... Teacher mi madda say mi nuh fi stress har mi fi wait til Monday mi stress a teacher ......

Scene

Student:Teacher today Im gonna be a lesbian.....
 me ..... say what now ..... 
yes miss ...... teacher says we will be acting out the family and I dont want to pair with any of the boys ..... so today Im gonna be a lesbian ..........


Yes to Rasta Gaaage...... singing ......this is  the career that I chose.... this is the career that I chose.....



  

Blast from the past

My my my....... as a people how we have changed; we have become technologically advanced, wealthier, more educated and many turn their noses up at our past. 

The links between families are now more broken than ever before, the air of respect reserved for adults smoggy with contempt and disgust. These children nowadays are something else.

They say youth is wasted on the young, but the Jamaican young are an endangered species nowadays.  I fear women are giving birth to adults; some of whom, if they could speak would come swearing right out of their mothers womb.

People, people pray fi miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii because mi swear a t.v a raise some people pickney. I must admit sometimes I sit and miss the good good county days . But alas this is oh so strange to my UPT friends and the other who were raised "a town" ................... an expression only a true yaadie can appreciate and understand 

Mi say back inna di days when my granny a reign supreme, she and har strap tight like Siamese twin. The only time it come from offa har waist a fi light up a fire unda mi and mi bredda dem behind. 

Dem time deh pickney haffi draw brakes inna dem bed from from six o clock and is only every tenth house have electricity, and if you live extra far inna di bush a bottle torch you haffi light.

Pickney used to fraid a duppy, and the biggest fear was a rolling calf and if you bright and overhear big people talking you couldnt even laugh. 

Them time deh neighbour beat you fi any likkle thing and yuh jus haffi " kibba yuh mout". Only rich people have t.v and fridge and dem sell suck suck and ice....... ahhhh how far we have come.

Bird bush wid slingshot, mango bush, bathing in the cold river water. Cricket on the ball ground and shelling pimento fi get pocket money, carrying water on yuh head with yuh katta, granny roast breadfruit and corn pork and you wash it  down wid coconut water ohhhhhh me oh my. Yes I know those are memories some would sooner forget. 

But truth be told  when all is said and done no t.v, no laptop or tablet could compare to the the wonders of pure clean country fun.  

Fadda if u nuh busy

Now we can all agree that society isn't what it used to be. It is becoming the norm to do a double take when we come in contact with people, and by that I mean we have look twice, then think twice before we speak once.

It is now that I stand more appreciative of my years at Golden Circle than ever before. I am "unshockable"..........

It will really require some new age sci-fi ish to shock me. Just shy of surgery I have seen it all and heard it all and I conclude that in this day and age if I decide to become a parent I will be seeking to make alliances with suitable families to identify potential suitors for my child because "Jesus friend of little child be a friend to me..... Jamaica full up a some dutty pickinies"

Now as I don't jive, and have to take public transportation, and have not yet figured out how to activate my introvert force field; I have to resort to my trusty earphones. Only on the rarest of occasions do I take them out to hear what is going on in the bus around me. I hope to one day have a pleasant experience, but to date its has been disappointing

Now...... while sitting on a bus I overheard two young men comparing note on how to get the best results from bleaching and I just shook my head. No discussion on current events, politics, or even sports for these two young men .The topic of choice, how to mix cream with gel to get their face white like snow....... shittttttt we doomed fo sho.


Young men nowadays have not the foggiest idea how to speak  around adults with respect much less to young women of their own age. What kinda zoo are these children ( or as Ronnie Thwaites said Leggo Beasts) being raised in?

 Ahhhh how depressing ......... If the children are the future and this is the running template then we as a nation are up shit creek with no paddle to steer.


Attention Attention  ....... I will be actively seeking to make alliances with those parents who I know have a hand on the shoulder of their children guiding them everyday,  to merge family at a date to be announced.

Proud and Free ......kmt ... more like a donkey's Hienie ..... puts earphone in ears walks away