In my classroom

So .... wage negotiations are done....... well at least it is for teachers and being immersed in the classroom now has given me additional perspective..... I will however internalize that thought fahhhh annuh everything good fi eat .......good fi talk .... ahoe.



No sah ...... off the bat I have to give a shout out to the teachers who have been at this for years and wake up everyday and hustle off to school ..... hahahaha woiiiiiii.

Mi sayyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dem pickney yah have some real horror stories being acted out in their brains. Mi want a remote wid a mute button.

Scene: 

Lesson well planned ...... teaching up a storm and a student ..... lets call him student x raises his hand  I acknowledge him, he stands and says Teacher, may I please share something important with the class. I said go ahead ..... swear inna mi bird brain say di bwoy aguh contribute to the blasted lesson ..... hear him, Teacher I was on the internet doing research for your class and I saw a picture of a man, he had painted two of his teeth blue, Teacher Lee would that be considered blue tooth or blue teeth, he proceeded to laugh out in the class until he had an asthma attack ........ drops duster and walks away.........

Scene: Test Week

Test is given to the class, I mark the papers ..... who comes to find me the very next morning to ask if he got 100........ the only boy to fail the test.... Puppa Jesus ...... continue to restrain me tongue Lord.


Scene

Class is in progress...... student stands and screams out ..... missssssssss mek blah blah blah tap look pon mi nuh........ Teacher why him yeye dem big suh..........
Me : boy what do you want me to do about blah blah yeye dem. 
Hear di bwoy ....... jam him inna dem teacher..... mi nah tell pon u ....... Prison wok dis ennuh ..... cho .....

Scene 

Me at school until after 5 marking papers 
student...... Teacher......u nah guh home to u husband ...... u good eeehhhh .....dah dah deeeeee

Scene

 Monday morning student walks up, Good morning teacher ...... mi glad fi si u ennuh, 
Me..... Why? blah blah 
student ...... Teacher mi madda say mi nuh fi stress har mi fi wait til Monday mi stress a teacher ......

Scene

Student:Teacher today Im gonna be a lesbian.....
 me ..... say what now ..... 
yes miss ...... teacher says we will be acting out the family and I dont want to pair with any of the boys ..... so today Im gonna be a lesbian ..........


Yes to Rasta Gaaage...... singing ......this is  the career that I chose.... this is the career that I chose.....



  

Blast from the past

My my my....... as a people how we have changed; we have become technologically advanced, wealthier, more educated and many turn their noses up at our past. 

The links between families are now more broken than ever before, the air of respect reserved for adults smoggy with contempt and disgust. These children nowadays are something else.

They say youth is wasted on the young, but the Jamaican young are an endangered species nowadays.  I fear women are giving birth to adults; some of whom, if they could speak would come swearing right out of their mothers womb.

People, people pray fi miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii because mi swear a t.v a raise some people pickney. I must admit sometimes I sit and miss the good good county days . But alas this is oh so strange to my UPT friends and the other who were raised "a town" ................... an expression only a true yaadie can appreciate and understand 

Mi say back inna di days when my granny a reign supreme, she and har strap tight like Siamese twin. The only time it come from offa har waist a fi light up a fire unda mi and mi bredda dem behind. 

Dem time deh pickney haffi draw brakes inna dem bed from from six o clock and is only every tenth house have electricity, and if you live extra far inna di bush a bottle torch you haffi light.

Pickney used to fraid a duppy, and the biggest fear was a rolling calf and if you bright and overhear big people talking you couldnt even laugh. 

Them time deh neighbour beat you fi any likkle thing and yuh jus haffi " kibba yuh mout". Only rich people have t.v and fridge and dem sell suck suck and ice....... ahhhh how far we have come.

Bird bush wid slingshot, mango bush, bathing in the cold river water. Cricket on the ball ground and shelling pimento fi get pocket money, carrying water on yuh head with yuh katta, granny roast breadfruit and corn pork and you wash it  down wid coconut water ohhhhhh me oh my. Yes I know those are memories some would sooner forget. 

But truth be told  when all is said and done no t.v, no laptop or tablet could compare to the the wonders of pure clean country fun.  

Fadda if u nuh busy

Now we can all agree that society isn't what it used to be. It is becoming the norm to do a double take when we come in contact with people, and by that I mean we have look twice, then think twice before we speak once.

It is now that I stand more appreciative of my years at Golden Circle than ever before. I am "unshockable"..........

It will really require some new age sci-fi ish to shock me. Just shy of surgery I have seen it all and heard it all and I conclude that in this day and age if I decide to become a parent I will be seeking to make alliances with suitable families to identify potential suitors for my child because "Jesus friend of little child be a friend to me..... Jamaica full up a some dutty pickinies"

Now as I don't jive, and have to take public transportation, and have not yet figured out how to activate my introvert force field; I have to resort to my trusty earphones. Only on the rarest of occasions do I take them out to hear what is going on in the bus around me. I hope to one day have a pleasant experience, but to date its has been disappointing

Now...... while sitting on a bus I overheard two young men comparing note on how to get the best results from bleaching and I just shook my head. No discussion on current events, politics, or even sports for these two young men .The topic of choice, how to mix cream with gel to get their face white like snow....... shittttttt we doomed fo sho.


Young men nowadays have not the foggiest idea how to speak  around adults with respect much less to young women of their own age. What kinda zoo are these children ( or as Ronnie Thwaites said Leggo Beasts) being raised in?

 Ahhhh how depressing ......... If the children are the future and this is the running template then we as a nation are up shit creek with no paddle to steer.


Attention Attention  ....... I will be actively seeking to make alliances with those parents who I know have a hand on the shoulder of their children guiding them everyday,  to merge family at a date to be announced.

Proud and Free ......kmt ... more like a donkey's Hienie ..... puts earphone in ears walks away

These Greedy Teachers

Mi say if .... If I bex one more time mi .... mi probably just bussssss.

I am certain we as Jamaicans have all been feeling the pinch of the economy and all public sector employees are advocating against the bullshit 2+3 % the Government is offering. However I am being thoroughly educated by several individuals as to why......... "di ole greedy teacha dem" should not be advocating for a better offer.

Now .......mi nuh know wha some people really feel like a gwaan inna di Jamaican school dem, but it ain't no damn Sunday brunch. Teachers have to be in the classrooms as mothers, aunts , remedial tutors, janitors, and wayyyyyyyyyyyy down on the list they get to teach.

Heh...... yeah sooooo.. GSAT results are out now ........ and I am certain " di ole greedy teachers" had nothing to do with the excellent passes. I am certain that these parents who belittle teachers are the ones who provided the constant care and endless hours of instruction that made these results possible. Hiss mi damn teeth

I have listened while many self proclaimed  " educated " individuals make statements as to how teaching is not a worthwhile profession, yet dem nah kip dem eaz haad pickney a dem damn yaad fi teach.

 I hear people saying teachers get too much benefits...... and "why dem fi get more money when they get so many holidays off"....... look yah ...... most parents cant wait for September to arrive fi hurry up and pack up dem pickney and ship them off to school. 

Because they know .... that truth be told .... their lil suzie or lil Johnny are truly horrible creatures.

And so the parents mentally count down the days for holiday to end so they can send them back to the arms of these persons in this most unworthy profession. 

Lets be honest .......time is the only worthwhile medication for the a teachers from the stresses of the classroom, especially now when the classroom, like the society on a whole is an awfully scary place.

I would be totally biased if I didn't acknowledge that there are some individuals who are in the classroom with only thoughts of how they can better themselves, but these number in the few compared to the many teachers who take  "their" children home with  them everyday. And honestly those few individual must have been truly misinformed about the " stepping stone " that is the classroom. There are sooooo many more viable options that would provide better compensation for less effort, so ultimately the classroom eventually weeds these individuals out.

One of my co-workers said she experienced personally a tiefing teacher who did only wah get rich offa GSAT classes, purposefully not teaching the content required to ensure the students are well rounded in regular classes to ensure they come to extra lesson.

And to that I say .... that is so sad .... but oh God man don't group everybody in the cauldron to boil. 

I am sure that there is more to it than that, and in addition to that, of the thirty thousand teachers; how many teach GSAT?.........(crosses legs and checks)

Who ever you are, or where ever you hail from whether you are an entrepreneur, a lawyer, a doctor or even a flipping forest creature ..... you wouldn't be where you are without the efforts of a teacher.

Things that make me go hmmmmm

Now let me temper my upcoming statement by saying ...... I am a Tom boy.

Take from that statement what you will, but what I mean is I am at my most comfortable in a pair of sneakers and some shorts.

I also agree with the statement that " different strokes for different folks " ... so now that I have cleared the air let me say there are things I see that just makes me make a duckface and say # hmmmmm.

Listed below are a few ...  

Grown ass women with the breast and neck full a powda ...... loook yah man ..... rerse wen dem bleach. #hmmmmm

Wearing sleeveless shirt with arm hairs rivaling Damien Marley ....... woss fi oman.....#hmmmmm

False finganail whey look like talons ...... and wat just mek mi Hextra Iggy is di oman dem whey have on tips so damn long that the new growth is the length of their  nail bed and  three tips off each hand has already escaped. #hmmmmmm

Seeing pple drawers without using x-ray vision   ............ # hmmmmmm

Bleaching in general ...    but hexspecially dem old ass women who be bleaching through and through dem geriatric years........shesssssssh man ......#hmmmmmmmmm

People who dont rerk and yet still have a bag a pickney and a stop me fi beg mi a ting........ pause....... interject ....... stinkface..... unpause ........ duck face....... # hmmmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm

Cho bongo push di grass cyaaat man..........

Our children

I often post about serious situations neatly tied up in humour but, on this topic there can be no funny spin.

It would appear as though the age of "simple childhood " is over, as children drop out of the womb these day fresh like gripe water. And the truth is some parents think it is cute for their children to be  rude. It is only when these children grow up to be raging canker sores that the parents begin lamenting on how their children missed the upward trajectory. 

By now alllllllllll my friends know my views on child bearing and children rearing ..... one person was fresh enough to ask me if I was molested as child why I have developed certain beliefs about having children ............ ( damn brite).

Fi mi mumma ...... mek smaddy molest mi ........ Rahtid ...... no sah..... pig woulda grow wing fuss.

Now I must be honest...... I thoroughly enjoyed being a kid .....though some would say mentally I was always grown. I was never rude or disrespectful; nay  I was more "sassy" or as J'can put it...... feisty.

 I didn't undergo any undue stress or distress. What ever economical burdens my mother faced raising her kids were never placed on our shoulders.

Much respect to my mother, a woman like no other. The values that I hold dear and my moral compass results from her guidance and spirit.

I especially love the times spend with my brothers at my granny's yard. We were allowed to be children, we explored nature, learnt to fend for our selves but most of all we learnt if we sign cheques with our actions and or the words of our mouths we should make damn sure our behinds we prepared to cash them ......   fah wi granny hand dem ...... wellllll light . Yeah granny bus yuh ass at the drop of a hat.

We were taught to adhere to the rules and threatened with colourful sayings.

"unnuh nuh  hear,  wah sweet nanny goat aguh run him belly" and my granny fravrite
" same place whey laff deh , cry deh deh " hahaha woiiii good times.

Now however ....... there seems to be a shift from this. Our children are being influenced and forced to forgo their childhood  and delve straight into adult hood.

Children are not supposed to be your source of income..... parents stop bartering away the pride, health and well being of your children for pittance.

The benefits of allowing our children to enjoy their childhood, free from neglect and abuse are almost too many to list, likewise the negative effects of abusing our children.

An appeal to all the parties involved.. the parent, the public and especially the predators ........... let the children be .... children .... for Christ's sake.

Yo......Shout out ..........

Hey.........

Just wanna say a big thank you to all ma peeps " Mrs Mouta Massie" just past 1000 views

Grateful ........

And of course " to be continued"

The Jamaican Man's Scam

Nowwwwwwww ....... snaps lips ........ everybody knows I was raised by ma mamma .........aka superwoman...... (Shout out to D.Y.M-P) and some people ..... (pause) the peoples who know me well...... knowwwwwwz that this gu-url hasssss daddy issues.

 snaps lips again....... Buttttttt I gots to share this observation and I am sure i'm going to get flack from both ends.

I am saying this bullshit that guys have adopted bout

 " who me...... I want me  an independent girl"

it pisses me off to no end .............. ( Shout out to Mrs N.B-J on the excellent job you did on your boy honey.... chile .....mmmmm mmmmm goood)

 Now.... if i'm in a relationship and I have to be independent.... I may as well be single; cause what the hell  kinda purpose you 'sposed to serve.

Get it right chile as a man .... you  sposed to wanna take care of me..... I'm you're woman, you sposed to put me in  your budget, you sposed to factor me into your every-damn-day ......SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.......... snaps lips again.

It took me a damn minute to figure this shit out .......... You see as women, especially Jamaican women who hail from broken homes or single parent situations  we damaged as helllllllll and we try to overcome by overcompensating; so we earn our money, we pay our way we kill our own zombies leaving these boys nothing to slay.

And these nowadays Jamaican boys ..... yes I said boys.... cause a lot of them aren't men. They relish the "Independent Jamaican Woman" because it makes their life so damn easy. They don't have anything to do, therefore they have nothing to prove.

So hells yeah ...... i'm about to snap my lips again.

Now for the declaration ........ Me ...... hmmm ...... yes chile ......I'm taken but y'all gotta know ......It don't matter how independent of a woman I am,  understand that as a strong, confident woman I am supposed to be able to depend on my man ...... otherwise I might as well get engaged to my own damn hand.

So ladies if you're being courted by a male; first  you have to figure out if he is a boy or a man..... and if he pulls that bullshit line out of his bullshit bag .......... you may not agree but baby please .....

He may wanna hook up with you temporarily ....snaps lips....

( in a Madea voice) ...but honey......baby ..... chile......please understand if he pulls that bullshit line he don't wanna be you're man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The road and the men who load........

If you don't drive .......and traverse the corporate area in Jamaica you have to come in contact with the men who we refer to as loaderman or backup man...... 

Sas Christ mi nuh know bout nobody else ..... but dem is a real sore point fi me.

Now lest I come off as being bitter let me clarify..... I have no issues with how anyone earns their living because as far as dollar for dollar even the gents washing the wind screen of cars at stoplights take home more net income than I do. So power to them.

My issue is with these men who obviously don't get that every morning , I along with my fellow commuters get up and spend a great deal of time getting clean clothes on our freshly showered body because
" wi nuh wah fi tink pon di road" therefore " we nuh wah come in contact with no 'tinking arm people".

"Mi say ....mi nuh know ennuh .....it appears that some a dem sleep inna frowiness ....wake up to 'tinkness and brush dem teeth wid dog poo because why dem one haffi 'tink suh?"

And best believe they have no qualms about trying to put  dem 'tinking arm around you...... Mi say if mi vex one more time mi woulda probably just busss.

Mi seriously aguh dung a Jamaica house guh beg Mamma P fi implement a " muss bade policy " fi dem loader man yah.

Something needs to be done rapido

Tell  mi if unnuh disagree......

Jamaican romance today

I am amazed and in awe when I hear the process of pursuit my grandfather had to go through to get my grandmothers heart.
Being a domineering woman, he first convince her father that he was a viable candidate ( the easier task ),then he had to convince my granny that he was worthy of her time and maybe he would even prove worthy of her heart.

heh heyyyyyyy now-a-days , Jamaican women under pressure to rasta boogie.

It is the era of  the strong,independent and dominant  Jamaican woman and the age of the ole wutliss bwoy.

Now don't get me wrong ...... we see shining examples of men in Jamaica,  who God bless their spirits .........  consistently do the right things and and many more who may fall short of the expected mark but by George they do try to reach it. I am not talking about them . 

This is for those males who have mastered the technique of making women want to vomit in their own mouths.

Look yah time gone by...... no well to do Jamaican woman would respond to psssssssstttttt.

That would be an gesture of disrespect; but  now a days that's the better of the possible gestures.

This is what passes for courting nowadays

"Yo goodaz....... gimmi di whatsapp nuh?"

" Babes ......... beg u di deh nuh"

"Jah know ......baby .....yuh t.v a show clear eeeeeehhhh"

" Yeah you......... Yeah you "

" Jah know babes mi dah run eeeen pan dat ennuh" 

" Yo thickaz ........ we need fi be together" 

But this is probably the worst I have ever heard .....

one man was overheard deep in his courting game down in the ear of this obviously oblivious young lady and this was his entire sedation rant .......... ( and I shit you not )

Jah know baby ... mi si yuh a pass mi and  you mek mi wah rups rups rrrrrrrrrr.

Look yah mi give up.......

Reneé ...... hangs up phone and walks away.

Things patients say

Now just like other government workers persons working in the health sector have been subjected to this strangling wage freeze. But only persons in the health sector have been subjected to the things patients and their relatives say........

Beg unnu some time deh

Cardiac

Relative walks up to worker....... asking if he can get an appointment, clerical officer says sure. Which clinic ? relative lady mi nuh know ennuh ..... him sick wid him heart .......suh a mussi heartopedic........ woiiiii

Physiotherapy

man seeks direction ....... where are you supposed to be going sir? man responds lady u nuh si mi finga bruk ...... nuh mus fingatheraphy

Gynae

Patient seeks information .......Miss is here suh a di Guyanese clinic?

Endocrine

Patient missed appointment.......... hi young man mi miss mi end-of-crime appointment you can give me anadda one please?

Paedi Endo

A mother hunts down a clinic secretary to make a P-U- Endo clinic appointment for her baby.......  No sah

Ante-Natal

Woman walks up to clerk ....... " can you show me to the antenna clinic please"

Prescription

Patient to the pharmacist....... how much fi full di description?"

Post Mortem

Imagine the surprise of the clerical officer who was chastised by a patient for losing her post mortem report .. .  

and the list goes on............I know my colleagues will agree when I say we have been suffering like this for years and we need compensation for the trauma ....

In my bed.....

If you are anything like me, sitting in a classroom on a Thursday evening is not an appealing prospect.... but there we were clamoring to absorb what the lecturer was saying.
She must have sensed our distress because she instructed us to get up and form a semi circle.
yeah a deh suh it get noiiiiicee !!!!!!!

instructions for the game .....without stating the company say a slogan you are familiar with . Fairly easy so we started.
a...... have it your way
b....... the bigger better network
c........ size matters
d......... finger licking good
e......... the best a man can get
f......... strong enough for a man made for a woman
g .........boosts you up
h..........gives you wings
I......... be extraordinary
j..... soup it up

by this time the teacher eye full of water ...... we are wondering whats so funny hear di damn teacher now

" ok everybody , we are going around again this time before your slogan you must say
IN MY BED ...... followed by the slogan"

Now everybody start to memba dem slogan and start to pop up

In my bed ....... have it your way
in my bed .... ... the bigger better network
in my bed........ size matters
in my bed ........ finger licking good
in my bed ......... the best a man can get
in my bed .......... strong enough for a man but made for a woman
in my bed.........boosts you up
in my bed ........ gives you wings
in my bed........ be extraordinary
in my bed ......... soup it up

Well played Miss........... Well played

The blood of Jesus

Having not slept well Saturday night I was awoken by what could only be described as high pitch screaming ..... I got up and peeped through the bathroom window and saw a man bending over the wall with a knife in his hand calling my neighbor " Di ole demon bitch" to which she responded on top of her voice almost in a song format
" The blood , The blood The blood of Jesus is against you" this continued for the better part of two hours

"Lawd have mercy mi head start ti hat mi "

So you know me jus wait til the sun go down and my neighbor fi calm down fi guh fass.

Would you believe that a connect di bwoy connect on wire pon di oman cable and when she see di movements and accost him him grab up knife.

Him never know she have di blood ..... mi say she just give it to him. She saw bwoy mi nuh fraid because the blood of Jesus is again at you.