Our children

I often post about serious situations neatly tied up in humour but, on this topic there can be no funny spin.

It would appear as though the age of "simple childhood " is over, as children drop out of the womb these day fresh like gripe water. And the truth is some parents think it is cute for their children to be  rude. It is only when these children grow up to be raging canker sores that the parents begin lamenting on how their children missed the upward trajectory. 

By now alllllllllll my friends know my views on child bearing and children rearing ..... one person was fresh enough to ask me if I was molested as child why I have developed certain beliefs about having children ............ ( damn brite).

Fi mi mumma ...... mek smaddy molest mi ........ Rahtid ...... no sah..... pig woulda grow wing fuss.

Now I must be honest...... I thoroughly enjoyed being a kid .....though some would say mentally I was always grown. I was never rude or disrespectful; nay  I was more "sassy" or as J'can put it...... feisty.

 I didn't undergo any undue stress or distress. What ever economical burdens my mother faced raising her kids were never placed on our shoulders.

Much respect to my mother, a woman like no other. The values that I hold dear and my moral compass results from her guidance and spirit.

I especially love the times spend with my brothers at my granny's yard. We were allowed to be children, we explored nature, learnt to fend for our selves but most of all we learnt if we sign cheques with our actions and or the words of our mouths we should make damn sure our behinds we prepared to cash them ......   fah wi granny hand dem ...... wellllll light . Yeah granny bus yuh ass at the drop of a hat.

We were taught to adhere to the rules and threatened with colourful sayings.

"unnuh nuh  hear,  wah sweet nanny goat aguh run him belly" and my granny fravrite
" same place whey laff deh , cry deh deh " hahaha woiiii good times.

Now however ....... there seems to be a shift from this. Our children are being influenced and forced to forgo their childhood  and delve straight into adult hood.

Children are not supposed to be your source of income..... parents stop bartering away the pride, health and well being of your children for pittance.

The benefits of allowing our children to enjoy their childhood, free from neglect and abuse are almost too many to list, likewise the negative effects of abusing our children.

An appeal to all the parties involved.. the parent, the public and especially the predators ........... let the children be .... children .... for Christ's sake.

Yo......Shout out ..........

Hey.........

Just wanna say a big thank you to all ma peeps " Mrs Mouta Massie" just past 1000 views

Grateful ........

And of course " to be continued"

The Jamaican Man's Scam

Nowwwwwwww ....... snaps lips ........ everybody knows I was raised by ma mamma .........aka superwoman...... (Shout out to D.Y.M-P) and some people ..... (pause) the peoples who know me well...... knowwwwwwz that this gu-url hasssss daddy issues.

 snaps lips again....... Buttttttt I gots to share this observation and I am sure i'm going to get flack from both ends.

I am saying this bullshit that guys have adopted bout

 " who me...... I want me  an independent girl"

it pisses me off to no end .............. ( Shout out to Mrs N.B-J on the excellent job you did on your boy honey.... chile .....mmmmm mmmmm goood)

 Now.... if i'm in a relationship and I have to be independent.... I may as well be single; cause what the hell  kinda purpose you 'sposed to serve.

Get it right chile as a man .... you  sposed to wanna take care of me..... I'm you're woman, you sposed to put me in  your budget, you sposed to factor me into your every-damn-day ......SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.......... snaps lips again.

It took me a damn minute to figure this shit out .......... You see as women, especially Jamaican women who hail from broken homes or single parent situations  we damaged as helllllllll and we try to overcome by overcompensating; so we earn our money, we pay our way we kill our own zombies leaving these boys nothing to slay.

And these nowadays Jamaican boys ..... yes I said boys.... cause a lot of them aren't men. They relish the "Independent Jamaican Woman" because it makes their life so damn easy. They don't have anything to do, therefore they have nothing to prove.

So hells yeah ...... i'm about to snap my lips again.

Now for the declaration ........ Me ...... hmmm ...... yes chile ......I'm taken but y'all gotta know ......It don't matter how independent of a woman I am,  understand that as a strong, confident woman I am supposed to be able to depend on my man ...... otherwise I might as well get engaged to my own damn hand.

So ladies if you're being courted by a male; first  you have to figure out if he is a boy or a man..... and if he pulls that bullshit line out of his bullshit bag .......... you may not agree but baby please .....

He may wanna hook up with you temporarily ....snaps lips....

( in a Madea voice) ...but honey......baby ..... chile......please understand if he pulls that bullshit line he don't wanna be you're man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

The road and the men who load........

If you don't drive .......and traverse the corporate area in Jamaica you have to come in contact with the men who we refer to as loaderman or backup man...... 

Sas Christ mi nuh know bout nobody else ..... but dem is a real sore point fi me.

Now lest I come off as being bitter let me clarify..... I have no issues with how anyone earns their living because as far as dollar for dollar even the gents washing the wind screen of cars at stoplights take home more net income than I do. So power to them.

My issue is with these men who obviously don't get that every morning , I along with my fellow commuters get up and spend a great deal of time getting clean clothes on our freshly showered body because
" wi nuh wah fi tink pon di road" therefore " we nuh wah come in contact with no 'tinking arm people".

"Mi say ....mi nuh know ennuh .....it appears that some a dem sleep inna frowiness ....wake up to 'tinkness and brush dem teeth wid dog poo because why dem one haffi 'tink suh?"

And best believe they have no qualms about trying to put  dem 'tinking arm around you...... Mi say if mi vex one more time mi woulda probably just busss.

Mi seriously aguh dung a Jamaica house guh beg Mamma P fi implement a " muss bade policy " fi dem loader man yah.

Something needs to be done rapido

Tell  mi if unnuh disagree......

Jamaican romance today

I am amazed and in awe when I hear the process of pursuit my grandfather had to go through to get my grandmothers heart.
Being a domineering woman, he first convince her father that he was a viable candidate ( the easier task ),then he had to convince my granny that he was worthy of her time and maybe he would even prove worthy of her heart.

heh heyyyyyyy now-a-days , Jamaican women under pressure to rasta boogie.

It is the era of  the strong,independent and dominant  Jamaican woman and the age of the ole wutliss bwoy.

Now don't get me wrong ...... we see shining examples of men in Jamaica,  who God bless their spirits .........  consistently do the right things and and many more who may fall short of the expected mark but by George they do try to reach it. I am not talking about them . 

This is for those males who have mastered the technique of making women want to vomit in their own mouths.

Look yah time gone by...... no well to do Jamaican woman would respond to psssssssstttttt.

That would be an gesture of disrespect; but  now a days that's the better of the possible gestures.

This is what passes for courting nowadays

"Yo goodaz....... gimmi di whatsapp nuh?"

" Babes ......... beg u di deh nuh"

"Jah know ......baby .....yuh t.v a show clear eeeeeehhhh"

" Yeah you......... Yeah you "

" Jah know babes mi dah run eeeen pan dat ennuh" 

" Yo thickaz ........ we need fi be together" 

But this is probably the worst I have ever heard .....

one man was overheard deep in his courting game down in the ear of this obviously oblivious young lady and this was his entire sedation rant .......... ( and I shit you not )

Jah know baby ... mi si yuh a pass mi and  you mek mi wah rups rups rrrrrrrrrr.

Look yah mi give up.......

Reneé ...... hangs up phone and walks away.

Things patients say

Now just like other government workers persons working in the health sector have been subjected to this strangling wage freeze. But only persons in the health sector have been subjected to the things patients and their relatives say........

Beg unnu some time deh

Cardiac

Relative walks up to worker....... asking if he can get an appointment, clerical officer says sure. Which clinic ? relative lady mi nuh know ennuh ..... him sick wid him heart .......suh a mussi heartopedic........ woiiiii

Physiotherapy

man seeks direction ....... where are you supposed to be going sir? man responds lady u nuh si mi finga bruk ...... nuh mus fingatheraphy

Gynae

Patient seeks information .......Miss is here suh a di Guyanese clinic?

Endocrine

Patient missed appointment.......... hi young man mi miss mi end-of-crime appointment you can give me anadda one please?

Paedi Endo

A mother hunts down a clinic secretary to make a P-U- Endo clinic appointment for her baby.......  No sah

Ante-Natal

Woman walks up to clerk ....... " can you show me to the antenna clinic please"

Prescription

Patient to the pharmacist....... how much fi full di description?"

Post Mortem

Imagine the surprise of the clerical officer who was chastised by a patient for losing her post mortem report .. .  

and the list goes on............I know my colleagues will agree when I say we have been suffering like this for years and we need compensation for the trauma ....

In my bed.....

If you are anything like me, sitting in a classroom on a Thursday evening is not an appealing prospect.... but there we were clamoring to absorb what the lecturer was saying.
She must have sensed our distress because she instructed us to get up and form a semi circle.
yeah a deh suh it get noiiiiicee !!!!!!!

instructions for the game .....without stating the company say a slogan you are familiar with . Fairly easy so we started.
a...... have it your way
b....... the bigger better network
c........ size matters
d......... finger licking good
e......... the best a man can get
f......... strong enough for a man made for a woman
g .........boosts you up
h..........gives you wings
I......... be extraordinary
j..... soup it up

by this time the teacher eye full of water ...... we are wondering whats so funny hear di damn teacher now

" ok everybody , we are going around again this time before your slogan you must say
IN MY BED ...... followed by the slogan"

Now everybody start to memba dem slogan and start to pop up

In my bed ....... have it your way
in my bed .... ... the bigger better network
in my bed........ size matters
in my bed ........ finger licking good
in my bed ......... the best a man can get
in my bed .......... strong enough for a man but made for a woman
in my bed.........boosts you up
in my bed ........ gives you wings
in my bed........ be extraordinary
in my bed ......... soup it up

Well played Miss........... Well played

The blood of Jesus

Having not slept well Saturday night I was awoken by what could only be described as high pitch screaming ..... I got up and peeped through the bathroom window and saw a man bending over the wall with a knife in his hand calling my neighbor " Di ole demon bitch" to which she responded on top of her voice almost in a song format
" The blood , The blood The blood of Jesus is against you" this continued for the better part of two hours

"Lawd have mercy mi head start ti hat mi "

So you know me jus wait til the sun go down and my neighbor fi calm down fi guh fass.

Would you believe that a connect di bwoy connect on wire pon di oman cable and when she see di movements and accost him him grab up knife.

Him never know she have di blood ..... mi say she just give it to him. She saw bwoy mi nuh fraid because the blood of Jesus is again at you.

As we say goodbye

If we knew the exact minute of our demise, would our decisions be different?
Would we treat others differently ?
Our mortality is a issue that we often shy away from. Families lose track if its members and often times it takes a tragedy for members to unite.

As my family mourns the loss of a cornerstone,  I  cant help but wonder, why do families wait until  tragedy strikes to reunite.

Here's to rebuilding family bonds as we say farewell to a daughter, a sister and a mom.

Rest in peace .... Joy Hyacinth Mitchell.

Dear Jesus protect us from harm and green arm

Having spent my teenage years in a rural community in Westmoreland I was exposed to a whole host of myths ranging from how to ward off duppy to how to eradicate green arm. Today as I was held hostage on the bus by a man with the greenest of arms I tried to remember what mamma used to say was the sure fire remedy for that affliction. Was it baking soda? Hot potato? Banana leave? Unfortunately my brain decided to pull blanks.

You mean to tell me in modern day Jamaica with running water and cheap soap people still a walk around with " green arm"

Not even the memories from  when I used to walk past saw mills as a child with freshly cut cedar tree could compete. The man rere so green and the a/c just circulate the scent I almost passed flat out.

That stomach turning smell need axe, halls,gingerlog, icy mint sweetie inna one fi help soothe the stomach.

Oh lord please  protect  us from harm and these wicked green arms.